over, part I

i've never known sadness so infinite, these blossoms of tears
billowing in my eyes, strapped to the heavy ache
of mad-burdened sadness sitting, trembling,
in all of me.
and it is less than 24 hours
since we said goodbye.
i force myself to think: now i can sleep,
no more 6 hr weekend drives, no more ear plugs
never completely blocking out the whine of the tv, and please
no more tears. no more back and forth,
no wicked twisting rolleremotion, no mania,
no loss, no confusion, no more fear and mistrust.
no more of this.
because once upon all the time
i am whole and complete, successful and wise.
our fairytale crumbled after the third packed page,
a story shrieking into scars and wounds
i regret to carry with me. and yet:
i do not regret any measure of the 30 months i spent with you
because you never got around to killing me
which only means
i must now be stronger.