love pull your sore ribs in

I'm choosing to look at yesterday as an enormous blip on the radar. I don't know what she thinks she wants from me-- I also don't want to know.

Why, suddenly, she's lavishing me with sweet nothings and calling just to say hi... and then engaging me in a text-a-thon wherein I invariably over-shared and let my vulnerability blaze through... I'm not sure. I can't even tell if it's manipulation or another moment of her realizing what we lost, etc etc.

I wish I was stronger and therefore cared much, much less about the possibility of her sharing her body with someone(s) else. I also wish I hadn't slipped and brought that up last night.

Maybe it's just the human need to know you are wanted, that people have feelings for you. Because letting go is something I am awful at... and even I feel better knowing she still loves me. But I can't shake the feeling that whatever positive progress we made this past week-- I may have blown it last night by sharing so honestly what I think about and how I try to avoid the things that make me think about those things.

Because now, of course, she hasn't responded. And I'm not going to reach out.